According to the work of Howard Markman, couples tend to fight about three core needs: control & power, respect & recognition, and closeness & care. When conflict is about closeness and care, it’s usually not about what’s being said; it’s about feeling alone in the relationship. It sounds like: “You don’t have my back anymore.” “I feel like I can’t rely on you.” “You’re here, but you’re not with me.” At its core, this type of conflict comes from a longing for emotional safety, reliability, and c
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